Rating: M
Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, and Mrs. Anderson.
WARNINGS: None? A bad mother?
Spoilers: Uh, spoilers for a certain brother someone may have.
Words: ~2803
Summary: Blaine sighs, heavy, defeated. “I had a conversation with my mother the other day, about you. About us.”
A/N: I took some of my own mother angst and shoved it into Blaine. This is what happened.
Kurt looked over at Blaine for the fifth time, eyes narrowing. They were watching a movie, a romantic comedy that they’ve both been dying to watch together for weeks now, but Blaine was barely paying attention at all. He was completely spaced out, starting into Kurt’s far wall with a frown.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked, softly, pausing the movie with a click, “Blaine? If you don’t want to watch the movie we can wait for another day.”
“Hm?” Blaine blinked, looked over to Kurt.
“Are you okay? You look like you’ve got something on your mind…” He hadn’t noticed it before, but Blaine really did look like there was something bothering him. His eyes looked different, and not just from the dark circles.
“I’m fine,” Blaine said, bringing his attention back to the movie, “We can keep watching, I don’t mind,”
“You have no idea what’s going on, I can tell. You’ve spaced out for pretty much the whole thing so far. Did you sleep last night?” Kurt sat up from his previous position of lying on his stomach, stretching his arms behind his head.
“I, yeah, I mean, I slept enough.” Blaine followed suit, but stayed at the other end of the bed, next to Kurt’s laptop.
“You look like you haven’t slept in a week. Come here, talk to me, tell me what you’re thinking about,” Kurt waved him over, settling his back into the headboard and stretching out his legs.
Blaine followed him, curling up a bit next to him, “It’s not a big deal, just something I can’t stop thinking about,”
“Blaine, if it’s bothering you this much it might help to talk about it, get it out of your head. You know I’m always here to listen. Please, tell me.”
Blaine sighs, heavy, defeated. “I had a conversation with my mother the other day, about you. About us.”
“Oh? How did that go?” Kurt doesn’t know the whole story of Blaine and his mother yet, he’s not sure he ever will; but he’s exceptionally perceptive about these things. He picks up the little hints of not quite right, and could be better, and on and offs of their ‘relationship’.
“Not- it didn’t go well, I guess you could say. Although I’m sure she thought it was a very productive talk,” He sounds bitter.
All Kurt knows is that if he were a part of that relationship dynamic, his head would be spinning in a matter of days. He gives a silent thanks to his father, and urges Blaine to continue.
“I just, I have no idea what she wants from me,” Blaine sits up, his hands waving in frustration, “I’m at a loss, I have no idea how to be better for her. I don’t know how to make her understand. I don’t know why she’s being so cold about it.”
“Blaine, honey, you don’t have to be anything for her,” Kurt rests a hand on his shoulder.
“I know, I mean, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean to say that.”
He doesn’t quite believe his boyfriend when he says that, but he lets it go, “Why don’t you start from the beginning, tell me what happened.”
“She knows about you, that you’re my boyfriend. I was so happy when we first got together, that I couldn’t hide it. I didn’t want to.”
—
Blaine found his mother in the kitchen, fixing herself a quick snack before she dove into her work again. It wasn’t often he was able to catch her out of her office, and when he did it wasn’t for very long.
He was a bundle of nerves, bouncing on the heels of his feet, wringing his hands together. This is the right thing to do, he told himself, It’s better that I tell her straight out.
“Uh, mom?” He wandered over towards the kitchen island and started clearing away her mess, just to keep himself busy, to keep himself from running out of the room.
“Hmm?” She started chopping some tomatoes to put in her salad, not looking up at her son, “Do you want me to leave this out for you?”
“What? No, no, I’m fine. I already…” he stopped, turned to look at her, “Can I talk to you?”
“You’ve got until I finish this, then I have to keep working.”
He takes a deep breath, and he jumps, “I like someone,”
She smiles, throws the tomatoes into her salad, start chopping cucumber, “Oh really? And what’s her name?”
Blaine feels his heart move up to his throat, “No, mom, I told you, I, I don’t like girls,”
Her smile disappears, her chopping gets louder and faster, like she’s trying to speed things up. Make a quick getaway.
“I like a boy, from my school. And I’m pretty sure he likes me back, and I just wanted to tell you, because-“
“What makes you think he likes you back?”
Blaine frowns. No, she didn’t mean it like that. She couldn’t have.
“I know he likes me back, he told me. He liked me first, actually, I was just really oblivious, which is so ridiculous looking back on it, because he’s basically everything I could look for in a guy and-,” She tosses the knife aside, raising a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. As if this were nothing but a headache she wishes would go away. “um, we’re- he’s. Mom, I’m in a relationship with him. I have a boyfriend and his name is Kurt.”
She sighs loudly, throws the cucumber into her salad, gathers her things and starts towards her office.
“I don’t want to hear about it, Blaine, I really don’t. Clean this up for me, will you?”
—
“Blaine, I’m so sorry,” Kurt sighs, rubs at his shoulder, tries to give comfort.
“It’s okay. I mean, I’m used to that by now. It’s not just you, she doesn’t like to hear about anything I’m doing anymore. She doesn’t care how my grades are, who my friends are, didn’t care when I wanted to transfer, and she definitely doesn’t care that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, because of you,”
Kurt looks up at Blaine, smiling sadly, and leans his head into Blaine’s. A small, simple gesture.
It’s at this point that Kurt’s at a loss for words. He honestly doesn’t know the feeling. Sure, his dad hasn’t always been completely on board with the whole having a gay son thing, but he’s never sacrificed any part of their relationship because of it. It took him a while to get used to it, but it was almost like nothing had changed between them. Kurt’s always been able to talk to his dad about everything, most of all his feelings.
He can remember quite clearly, bounding around the kitchen during one of their many ‘bonding through baking’ sessions. It was an early Saturday morning, and the night before Kurt had had his first official first date with none other than Blaine. He doesn’t remember much of it, but he knows he yammered on about how charming Blaine was and how magical the night was and how he just couldn’t believe this was happening to him.
His dad had smiled down into the bowl he was stirring, and said, “I always knew this would happen for you some day. Having your first love is great Kurt, and I’m just, I’m really happy for you.”
The fact that Blaine has never had that kind of interaction with his parents, made his eyes burn. Sometimes he forgot just how lucky he was.
“I think, for some reason, she still thinks it’s a phase. I mean, I came out to her in grade eight, I took a boy to Sadie Hawkins. But, I had never had a boyfriend before. I think, that made it less real for her. Maybe she thought, I don’t know, that I still had a chance to be straight…” Blaine sighs, frustration written all over his face, “I just don’t understand.”
“She’s clearly in denial. It seems like she’s pushing you away because she doesn’t want to deal with the truth, with the reality of the situation.” Kurt tries to be gentle with his words, if it’s even possible. “But Blaine, that’s not your fault, you know that, don’t you?”
“I know that she didn’t want to deal with it, I understand that. I accepted that. But Kurt, it’s been how long? We’ve been together now for nine months, almost ten. She’s met you, she knows you’re not fictional. I didn’t just make it up to be difficult, to make her life harder!” Blaine feels tears stinging his eyes, but he blinks them back, furiously. He wont cry over this, he wont.
“I tried to talk to her about it yesterday, about me being gay, about me being in a long term relationship with you, about everything.” His heart is twisted up in his throat again, it’s hard to speak, “I tried to tell her that this was real, that you’re a part of my life and this isn’t going to go away. I just, I want to be able to bring you up in conversation; I don’t want to have to censor myself, choosing my words and leaving you out. I’m just so tired of all of this!”
He’s crying. He can feel the tears falling but he doesn’t care anymore. He’s too tired to hold it back anymore. Kurt moves to face him, wraps his arms around him and just lets him fall apart. Blaine’s clutching at Kurt’s shirt, his forehead leaning on Kurt’s shoulder, his breaths coming out in gasps and shudders, and Kurt just rubs his back, tries to be helpful.
It doesn’t last long, it never does with Blaine. He’s composing himself before Kurt can even tell him to stop, but that’s just what Blaine does. He can’t fall apart for too long, or he might stay that way forever.
He sits up, wiping at his eyes and looking anywhere but Kurt’s face.
“C’mere,” Kurt says, pulling Blaine back to lean against the headboard with him. He wraps an arm around him, feels him still taking in shuddery breaths and sighs, wishing he could make it stop, “Do you want to tell me what happened yesterday, completely? You don’t have to, but, just know, that I’m here now, and I’ll listen,”
Blaine smiles, because somehow, Kurt always knows when there’s more he needs to say, even if he doesn’t want to.
—
It’s a good day for them. Compared to the last year they’ve spent together, it’s an extraordinary day. They’re laughing together and talking in more than just short sentences and one worded answers. It feels like a mother and son again, not just two empty people occasionally under the same roof.
They’re watching that new Star Trek movie, with Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, and it was actually her idea to watch it. Apparently a Star Trek fan from the beginning, she’s been eager to see how the movie compares.
Blaine’s fine with sci-fi, and to be honest, if he had known the sheer amount of homoerotic subtext, he would have watched it a lot sooner.
It’s in the middle of the movie, a pause for more popcorn and to refill their drinks, that he brings it up. It seems a good a time as any, considering the varied conversations they shared before the movie. It’s almost like it’s back to normal, and she’s in a good mood, for once. So he takes a breath, and the words come out.
“So I was thinking,” she turns to him, from the microwave, a smile still on her face, “Coop’s coming to visit in a few weeks, and dad should be back by then, right? I was thinking, would it be okay if we had a dinner, or something?”
She looks confused, “Blaine, we have dinner every night, what are you talking about?”
“I mean, because Cooper hasn’t officially met Kurt yet, I was thinking that we could invite him over for dinner one night.” Blaine’s nerves start to kick in, and his smile falters.
“Blaine, do you really think that’s appropriate? Family dinners are not for your friends-“
“He’s my boyfriend mom, it’s different. He’s special. And I do think it’s appropriate. They have their special Friday night dinners, it was just family until Rachel and I came along, and now both of us are always invited. It’s a nice way to get to know someone,”
“Well Blaine, in case you’ve forgotten, we do things differently in this household, and you don’t get to decide what’s appropriate and what’s not. That’s my decision, and I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Her tone is cold, final, but Blaine’s not giving up that easy. Not today.
“Why wont you talk about it?” He’s pushing, he knows, things are going to fall apart again. It’s worth it, he tells himself, this is important.
“Because there is nothing to talk about Blaine, you don’t get to decide-“
“Not that! Why wont you talk about the fact that I’m gay?”
Her face contorts into some foreign expression. Anger, hurt, and sadness all rolled into one, and it hurts Blaine’s heart to see it. “Blaine, there are a lot of things in life you just don’t understand-“
“Tell me why,” Blaine demands, “I’m sick of this, if you’re not going to talk about it then give me a reason. Give me one good reason.”
“Because this is a big deal, and I don’t think you understand just how serious it is, Blaine. I don’t think you’re actually gay. I don’t know why or how you got it set in your mind that you’re gay, but I know in my heart it’s not true. In a few years you’re going to find a nice girl and you’re going to fall in love and have children and you’re going to forget all about this little boyfriend you’ve got. You are straight, Blaine. And I am angry that you would put this family through such pain-“
“Pain? I, you’ve been in pain over this? Mom, I was GAY BASHED. Why would I choose this?!” Blaine’s stomach is turning, his hands shaking.
“In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not the only one affected by this. It was my son I had to see lying in that hospital bed and it was my husband I had to deal with when we thought you might die. You are our son Blaine, and smashing all the dreams your family’s ever had for you, it’s not something easily dealt with.”
“Being gay doesn’t change anything. I’m still me. I, you can’t just-”
“It changes everything, Blaine. All the dreams I had for you, everything I thought you’d be… it’s all gone now. I’m mourning that loss as best as I can and you’re being awfully selfish, throwing this in my face,”
Blaine’s staring at his mother like he’s never seen her before in his life.
“You- no, mom, no, you need to deal with this. You don’t need to mourn anything, because I am here. I’m right here. I know that you don’t like the idea of me being gay, or having a boyfriend. But I do. And I hope, I mean, no matter what, all that matters is your child is happy, right? That’s what parenting is all about. You want your child to grow up and be happy,”
His mother nods, looking away from him.
“Mom, I’m happy. I’m happy with Kurt, he’s incredible, more than I could have imagined. He makes me so happy, happier than I’ve ever been in my life. That’s all that matters, isn’t it, we can get through everything else, can’t we?”
She looks at him, and he doesn’t see anything in her eyes. She takes a breath, turns around, grabs her keys from the counter and leaves the house. Blaine feels tears fall from his eyes as he hears her car in the driveway start, and pull away.
He’s numb when he clears away their mess from earlier. The movie forgotten, the popcorn cold, the day ruined.
—
Blaine’s hands are shaking again, and Kurt takes them in his own. He expects Blaine to break down again, but he doesn’t.
“She doesn’t care about how you make me feel. She doesn’t care that I’m happy, she doesn’t care at all.”
It’s the last thing Blaine says on the topic. It’s his final word on his mother.
They spend the rest of the day in bed, just laying together. They don’t say much, but Blaine doesn’t need words right now. He takes comfort in Kurt’s long limbs, his soft hands, and his strong heart beat. It’s all Blaine needs to be happy.
And that’s what’s most important, isn’t it?
