Questions I have for my girlfriend who isn’t my girlfriend anymore.

- How long have you been thinking about breaking up with me? Because if it’s been a while, how could you have a Saturday like that and still do it? If it was just Sunday that it popped into your head, I’m disappointed, because I thought our relationship meant a little bit more than a snap decision on a bad day. We could have talked things through.

- How do you want this to play out? Should I give you some space, stop talking to you for a while? Are we going to be friends? How close of friends? Because I don’t have friends that I’m not close with, it just doesn’t work that way for me.

- I want you to know, that you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You were perfect for me, and I couldn’t have asked for more out of you or our relationship. I wouldn’t take back anything, I wouldn’t want to give up a day that I had with you. I want you to know, that I’ve been in love with you, for at least the past two months, felt like more. I was holding back, because I didn’t want to scare you away. I was working up the courage to say it out loud, Saturday. I wish I would have. I wish I could have said it, when we were in that blissed out state of mind. Because you deserved to hear it, to hear how utterly, madly, completely in love with you I am.

- Is this a break, or an end? I’m wondering if this is the end of us, completely, or do you think we’ll get another chance, down the line? Be honest, please. It doesn’t matter, either way, because I will be in love with you for months to come, probably even years. That’s just how I work. I’m wondering, if a time comes down the line, when we’re both in the right place, if we could try again. because you made me so happy, and, I would love another shot to make you happy, if I could, again. When you’re ready, if you ever are.

I’ve never had a full start to a relationship, it was like a go ahead to fall head over heels in love with you, instead of the slow building yearning I’ve felt before for people. I fell fast and hard, and it’s just going to be hard to deal with the loss. I keep thinking about not being able to hold your hand, and I tear up. I’ve never had a full start, but I’ve never had a full stop either.

- Is there someone else? I’m sorry if I couldn’t give you what you needed. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to help you, or how to be closer with you. I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me how to.

This is just really confusing for me, in general. Because you said you were so happy, and you said all these things. The plans we made on Saturday, the things said and did, it didn’t feel like we were going to end any time soon. In fact, I thought we would be together for years. Maybe that’s silly of me, but I thought we were perfect. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.