A/N: This came out of nowhere, but it needed to be written. I feel a lot better now. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?
Blaine raised his head groggily as his phone buzzed for the third time. Just stop calling me, he thought, slamming his head back into his pillows, give up.
When the buzzing finally stopped, he burrowed himself into his bed further, wishing he could go back to sleep, wishing he could stop thinking completely. He felt sick with guilt.
Kurt had been planning this day for the past week, and here he was, screwing it up. He didn’t even know how this weekend had gotten so bad, it just was. Thursday night he found himself up until two writing an essay for his History class. After that, he couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he’d tried. Thoughts of Kurt and New York and Warblers and tampered slushies filled his head. He thought of everything that night, until his thoughts were nothing but a constant buzz of feelings, all of them bad. He remembered thinking that it was just one of those nights where he’s unable to sleep until the sun comes up.
Except he couldn’t sleep, because he had to go to school. All nighters were not a big deal for Blaine, he had faced the day with probably more energy than usual. But near the end of the day it was draining fast. He had felt tired, but still, he knew he would be unable to sleep if he laid down after school and tried. So instead, he worked on his assignments until the words started to blur. Finally, he fell asleep that night, to the sounds of a crime drama marathon on his tv.
He hadn’t woken up on Saturday until noon, and he felt like he’d been hit by a truck. His head was pounding and his stomach felt empty. He took two tylenol and collapsed back into his bed, not waking until seven that night.
He spent the evening trying to battle the heavy feeling he felt in his chest and the damaging thoughts roaming through his head. It was a battle he lost. But that was nothing new, not to Blaine. He was no stranger to the heaviness he felt in his heart. He’d been struggling with that feeling since his early teenage years, and still, he had no idea how to win.
Once again, Saturday turned out to be a night when he just couldn’t sleep until he saw the sun. But this time, he was allowed. As soon as seven o’clock hit he was knocked out, and he slept fitfully until the buzzing of his phone woke him several hours later.
Another buzz of his phone lifted him from his drifting state. It was a text message, and he lifted the phone up in front of his face to read it. Blaine, you’re starting to worry me. If you don’t feel up to it today just tell me, it’s okay. I wont be mad at you.
Blaine felt tears burn at his eyes, and he threw his phone at the wall, suddenly angry. This whole situation was just so frustrating. It’s not that he means to worry Kurt, or anyone else for that matter. That’s not why he does this. Actually, he doesn’t know why he does this, it just seems impossible sometimes. Completely impossible to tell someone how he’s feeling today, to explain why he can’t do this, why this is so hard.
This shouldn’t be happening and he’s just so angry.
His phone goes off once more and finally the tears start to fall.